Monday, April 2, 2012

Game of Thrones is Black Metal as Fuck!
HBO's epic tale of nice tits, swords and sorcery returns!
 My wife and I wore corpse paint for last night's premier. You pussy-ass Power Metal supporters out there in Cyber-Camelot might claim that Game of Thrones reps your scene to the bone, with all the kings and knights bit. In part you might be right. But remember this... the Knights and Kings on Game of Thrones (those easy-to-hate California blondes) of House Lannister are the show's douche platoon. The real bad asses of the show are the stoic Northerners. Those other fuckos, they're the Power Metal faction of this epic tale set in a fantasy realm. But as for the North, the land of Winterfell, it doesn't get anymore Black Metal than that! I mean, come on... Winterfell?! As if the province's name alone doesn't sound like a fucking IMMORTAL album title, the Northerners of Winterfell keep pet wolves, strictly worship the "old Gods" and send messages via Ravens! Way frostbitten! Who doesn't dream of seeing a war between Black Metal warriors and Power Metal ass-wipes? We can all witness it symbolically through GAME OF THRONES.
Season 2 is here boys and girls... And if you carelessly slept through the first season, than you need to be on this! Here's the checklist: swords, sorcery, tons of sex from all genres (not excluding brother on sister action), political intrigue, wolves, ravens and blood by the gallons... [Christ! It almost sounds like my bachelor party...] 
I will spare you the synopsis because I would like for you to uncover this masterpiece series for yourselves. But I will give you the general premise. The likable, yet boorish warrior king of the seven kingdoms encounters a bit of misfortune, leaving a vacant throne. In his lieu, would be aspirants to the vacant seat come from out of the woodwork to make a play for power. Meanwhile, there's this little blonde broad (who's not too hard on the eyes, by the way) running around in some dessert with two pet dragons, fulfilling some prophecy. She went from being a Nomadic War Lord's Booty Call Slave to becoming a desert messiah. And to provide the appropriate side plots- a slew of tits, whores and whore houses abound, episode after episode. PER-VER-SIONS!!! 

Like anything else from HBO, this shit is fucking gold. The writing on this is superb, with a microscope-like attention to plot intricacies, set and costumes. I appreciate this show on many levels, but primarily for not insulting the intelligence of its audience. The characters are excellent, oh, wait... there is the exception of the current king on the Iron chair...

King Joffrey! Who even looks like that? I can't even find a word to even begin to tear into him and in part it might be because his peculiar appearance bugs me out! This guy is a world class Ass-bag. I want to bludgeon him to death with a spiked club and vomit in his mouth as he gasps for final breath. I will probably never be able to see him in any other work beyond Game of Thrones because of sheer repulsion. He's a fucking sadistic motherfucker! But not in a cool, lovable way like me. No, he's a dick. 

And here's the head-kick, he is the son of a brother and sister combo. That's fucking disgusting. Maybe that explains his odd 'Grey Alien in Technicolor' look? Might be chromosomal! One clear result of inbreeding is facial asymmetry, and well clearly... He looks like a Parakeet with Down Syndrome.
Listen, I don't care if your sister is the last piece of ass on Earth, you just don't go there... Oh God! I can't even think about banging my sisters! Well, it doesn't help that they're both a pair of fucking pigs but that's besides the point... 

King Joffrey, Boy-King Bitch, I hope you get decapitated by Rob Stark, King of the North.
Black Metal will Prevail! 
Anyways, jump on this ASAP!!! This is an oasis for the brain in the Red Waste that is modern day entertainment. Another top-notch HBO joint! I thought they set a high benchmark when they dropped ROME, but this is on a whole other level. Hopefully this series will see more than two seasons as ROME did in its unjustly shortened time span. 

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