Friday, January 25, 2013

Any body seen this show on MTV? I saw the film, but haven't been following the show. I had my own true tale of being "Cat-fished" that I would like to share...

Back in 2004 I worked for a major Cruise-Ship Line as a phone agent. My job was to answer calls from representatives of Large Travel Agencies whom would book up a block of cabin space aboard one of our ships at a discounted rate and they in turn would create their "special summer packages" and book the cabins at a mark up.... There was one agency based out of California who's rep was notorious within the phone center for being outrageous when she would call in. She was known for her hot voice, and for making sexual innuendos constantly while conducting her business over the phone. One day she called in, and it just so happened that her call was directed to my extension for service. Sure enough, all of the rumors were true. This chick was wild, and made all kinds of comments loaded with double entendre. She started to flirt with me over the phone, telling me how hot she thought I sounded, etc. From that point on, anytime she would call, she requested to speak specifically with me, claiming that I've been handling some special requests regarding her block of space and would rather that I stay on the job to avoid confusion with another agent.

Next thing you know after that, she starts e-mailing me at my corporate address (which she had access to for business purposes.) Her first e-mail included "her" picture, which depicted a totally hot Mexican-type chick (she said she was Mexican) that kind of looked like Kendra Jade and it read "Here's my number, call me, we can talk without worrying about calls being monitored for quality assurance."
So I called the broad. Wouldn't you. So now, I'm on the phone with this bitch, and she's painting a story to me about this crazy, glamorous, single California chick who is about to get a gig doing voice overs for the main character in a new cartoon that got picked up by ADULT SWIM! I didn't really care about any of that shit, but I would take her calls and answer her texts because I thought she was this hot chick. After a couple of weeks, our late night phone conversations took a turn towards the horny and we started having all types of phone sex and dirty text messaging way before it was coined as sexting.

One day, I get a call from her on my personal cell phone and she tells me that she's coming to Miami for a business trip with her boss and will be staying at South Beach for 5 days, and during that time, we can bring our sexual fantasies to fruition at last. My dick became so engorged at the thought that this hot chick, who was open to all inputs by the way, was practically being delivered to me via Business Class for a 5 day Fuck Fest! I was so consumed by the idea that this hot chick was coming to town and I was going to rip that ass up for a week straight that I even started performing masturbatory calisthenics for a whole month leading up to the trip. I would jerk off to build endurance by holding out on blowing my load. I would do Kegel exercises all day by clenching and releasing my asshole to strengthen my prostate... the works...

We set up our rendezvous for the evening of her arrival here in Miami. We were supposed to meet at a bar in South Beach called the Blue Marlin on Collins Avenue. So I got there a little bit early (big mistake) and ordered a drink. After a couple of minutes, two big, sweaty, meaty paws which may or may not have been human, let alone feminine, cover my eyes from behind as a tongue runs up my ear. I swing around in my bar stool to find this fat, short, long nappy haired hobbit of a woman standing before me with a look on her face saying "hey, it is what it is sailor." It was her, looking like an overweight Elaine Benes' head was glued to Danny DeVito's body...

 I was livid, not so much with her as much as at myself for not screening this bitch a little better. I went based on the one picture she e-mailed me and that was it. She explained how that was her sister's photo and that she knew that she was wrong for not coming clean way before this trip happened. She confessed that she isn't doing any voice over work for some cartoon that doesn't even exist, and how she's the divorced mother of three kids. I went off on her! I told her how it was disturbing that she had to lie like that about how she looks, and about her life, and how she hides her children. She took her tongue-lashing quietly and when I finally stopped screaming at her long enough for her to get a word in edgewise, she said "Look, I understand if you walk out right now and never speak to me again, believe me. Let me at least pay your drink. Go ahead, just walk out and I'll settle up!" 

I said "OK, but I also want a blow job in my car!"

She obliged, blew me from the passenger seat of my Nissan Sentra that was parked in some piss infested South Beach parking garage. She swallowed my load, smiled politely and left... and I never spoke or heard from her again. 

The End.

Well, What?! I drove all the way out to the beach and got a drink out of it, might as well get one sucked out to!!!

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