TRUE BLOOD FUCKING SUCKS!
How the fuck does HBO go from GAME OF THRONES to back that Shit-Fest called TRUE BLOOD?
The biggest favor that HBO could have ever of done for it's subscribers would've been to cancel this god-awful series after season 2. After that it was 'Shark Jump City'. Not even a Weed and Valium cocktail during the viewing of this retinal herpes sore can make the show watchable. Look, I'm not even going to hate on season 1. I found it to be a fresh and interesting concept at first. But then it all went south when the writing took a nose dive right in the middle of the second season. So, if VICTORY RECORDS were to start distributing the seasons on DVD, the marketing hook should read as follows:
TRUE BLOOD- for fans of being patronized by 'make it up as we go along' writing and characters so annoying that you end up wanting to do THIS after watching an episode:
It's funny because I really thought that nothing can come even remotely close to sucking as bad as those TWILIGHT movies, yet TRUE BLOOD disproved my hypothesis. One should almost feel that the writers are openly insulting the viewers with writing that could be better executed if I stuck a crayon up my ass, squatted over a few sheets of paper, wiggled my ass around a bit, and BINGO- We've Got A Script! Uh-Oh, my Sookie Stackhouse-like power to read minds can hear the show's creators thoughts! Wanna hear what he's thinking?
"Fuck! This Jerk-Off discovered my secret story-boarding method!"
I think that the purpose of this particular rant is just for venting purposes. I really don't think that I want to ruin this perfectly blissful 10mg Diazepam buzz by detailing the horrors of this show's whack-ness. It's more about keeping my sanity and preventing from throwing my flat-screen against the floor in a total 'Office Space printer scene' like beat down. I've mentioned in the past that my bride and I share one TV here in the Tales' Dungeon of Perversions, forcing me to view some of my her preferred viewing. So, having said that, can I be at blame if TRUE BLOOD finally made my cup runneth over after all the shit TV that I am collaterally exposed to?
Since it is clear that the only redeeming quality of the show is the gratuitous nudity and/or fucking scenes, than would it be too much to ask if they would show some naked women for fuck sake? Wait, let me re-phrase that, some naked ATTRACTIVE women! I'm tired of watching Jason Stackhouse's ass trot across the scene, and the same goes for the mega-lame werewolf Alcide, showing his abs every 5 minutes. Let's face it, all of the eye-candy on the damn show is for the female/gay tastes. And what's worse is that all of the broads on the show are butt-booty-busted (Ana Paquin and her gap-tooth, Tara looks like a Koala in black-face, Pam looks like she can host a Lady-Boy pageant in Bangkok, etc.) All except for Jessica the red-head, who's cute, but has yet to have shown a half an ass cheek, even though she's been open for action since forever! The gross thing about her is that every time you stuff her pink coffin with a 'Stiff' (ha!), her hymen grows back. Yuck! What a waste of a perfectly fuckable ginger! Any experienced virgin surgeons out there know how unpleasant it is to feel the snap of a hymen. [dry-heaving]
I don't know... I'm just saying!
The valium tends to make me ramble, so maybe I better quit while I'm ahead. I don't know, Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff must be rolling in their crypts like Rotisserie corpses. They must be saying "Is this what's become of the Vampire movie racket?"
And you thought nothing was as fucking lame as TWILIGHT?
TRUE BLOOD- for fans of being patronized by 'make it up as we go along' writing and characters so annoying that you end up wanting to do THIS after watching an episode:
"Fuck! This Jerk-Off discovered my secret story-boarding method!"
I think that the purpose of this particular rant is just for venting purposes. I really don't think that I want to ruin this perfectly blissful 10mg Diazepam buzz by detailing the horrors of this show's whack-ness. It's more about keeping my sanity and preventing from throwing my flat-screen against the floor in a total 'Office Space printer scene' like beat down. I've mentioned in the past that my bride and I share one TV here in the Tales' Dungeon of Perversions, forcing me to view some of my her preferred viewing. So, having said that, can I be at blame if TRUE BLOOD finally made my cup runneth over after all the shit TV that I am collaterally exposed to?
Since it is clear that the only redeeming quality of the show is the gratuitous nudity and/or fucking scenes, than would it be too much to ask if they would show some naked women for fuck sake? Wait, let me re-phrase that, some naked ATTRACTIVE women! I'm tired of watching Jason Stackhouse's ass trot across the scene, and the same goes for the mega-lame werewolf Alcide, showing his abs every 5 minutes. Let's face it, all of the eye-candy on the damn show is for the female/gay tastes. And what's worse is that all of the broads on the show are butt-booty-busted (Ana Paquin and her gap-tooth, Tara looks like a Koala in black-face, Pam looks like she can host a Lady-Boy pageant in Bangkok, etc.) All except for Jessica the red-head, who's cute, but has yet to have shown a half an ass cheek, even though she's been open for action since forever! The gross thing about her is that every time you stuff her pink coffin with a 'Stiff' (ha!), her hymen grows back. Yuck! What a waste of a perfectly fuckable ginger! Any experienced virgin surgeons out there know how unpleasant it is to feel the snap of a hymen. [dry-heaving]
I don't know... I'm just saying!
The valium tends to make me ramble, so maybe I better quit while I'm ahead. I don't know, Bela Lugosi and Boris Karloff must be rolling in their crypts like Rotisserie corpses. They must be saying "Is this what's become of the Vampire movie racket?"
And you thought nothing was as fucking lame as TWILIGHT?
 |
| Linda Blair after having watched this weeks episode! |
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